The Girl Who Was a Runner

I have to admit that I have purposely neglected this thing. I think in part I was trying to avoid facing my thoughts and trying to make sense of where I am at right now. How about I do this in bullet point style to try and have some sort of organization..

• I made it successfully through Finals week and graduated with my Associates in Arts. A huge portion of my stress was coming not only from this but also getting my transfer finalized to start at my new University in the spring. I managed to survive with my sanity mostly in tact.
• Thanksgiving flew by and Christmas is right around the corner. I’ve been a bit of a scrooge because of the stress of school and personal stuff, but I have finally started to come around to enjoying more of a break than the holiday itself. This is my first holiday season living completely on my own and it is a little strange and lonely.
• I am enjoying using my free time to explore other avenues to relieve stress and enjoy myself. My bike is getting quite the workout lately and I am enjoying taking it on long group rides on the greenways every weekend. I went from having never ridden with a group, or on the roads, to having done both in the space of a week. My ability to clip in and out is improving as well as my shifting and handling abilities. I wont say the same for my balance and turning… I will openly admit that I ride fast but like an idiot.

Photographic evidence of idiot on bicycle shenanigans…

• But wait! Where is all the running?? How many miles am I doing?? What about the races I am running?? Well I haven’t been doing a lot of it. My hamstring and I decided that we would be better off going separate ways and taking a break for a while. I knew something was off after the trail race I DQ’d back in November and my hammie got more and more angry. What started as an annoying knot, grew into a massive spasm, grew into a severe strain. It has taken weeks and weeks of zero running to be able to walk around comfortably and I am in no rush to run with pain any longer. I miss running and it is a huge part of my identity and so not having it for the past month has been a little traumatizing. With all the other stress in my life the past month, and then an injury on top of that, it has been a challenging time emotionally. I really don’t know how I have any friends willing to put up with my cranky ass anymore, but somehow I do. Thanks guys! I really don’t hate you!

So moving forward into the New Year I will once again be starting from scratch and looking for new goals to accomplish. My skills on the bike are improving and I have been toying with the idea of something in that area. I have also been playing with the idea of slowly coming back to some shorter distance running for a bit. At this point everything is up in the air and I plan to keep it that way.

Downtime…

So it has been almost three weeks since the Chicago Marathon has passed. I know that I meant to recap the entire weekend (and I promise to try and revisit it later), but if I don’t get back to current events I know that I will slack off and forget to post at all.

So what have I been up to since exceeding my expectations back in the Windy City? A lot of relaxing, a lot of school work, and a little bit of running. I have been guilty in the past of jumping from one training cycle to the next, without ever taking enough of a break in between. My usual recovery from a marathon was two days off and then right back at it. This is of course the dumbest plan ever and I believe is what led to me having a lot of stupid injury issues that either took forever to heal up, or become major issues that led to a lot of time off. After Chicago I had already decided that after such an intense short training cycle I was going to take a complete week of absolutely zero running before trying to come back. Now, after Chicago although I felt amazing with no aches or pains (I have never finished a marathon feeling so good before), I decided that a week of complete rest was even more deserved to reward my body for out preforming what I think I was even in shape for. It is really hard to go from 50+ miles a week to zero but I knew that I would be better for it in the long run and so I sucked it up and enjoyed being a normal person for a week.

So what did I do with my free time? Mostly slept. It took me a few days of some solid 9+ hour nights to feel like my body was recovered. Although I didn’t have any injury issues my body was Le Tired and wanted to nap allll the times. Besides sleeping I was also focused on eating what ever I wanted and what my body was craving. For whatever reason, all I wanted was healthy veggies and fruit but I made sure to continue to get some solid protein and carbs to restore what was lost. Then I focused on the things that I was missing up on while running so fucking much. I went out with friends, I did a lot of school work to get ahead, I read, I actually watched some tv, I even finally finished moving and unpacking my stuff. When I felt like my legs needed a little motion to get the blood flowing, I got back on my lonely bike for some nice rides. I did yoga to help stretch out an knots and bring some calm back after such a hectic but fun trip. Basically I just enjoyed life and took a lot of “me time”.

The one thing I made sure not to focus on was any sort of returning to run schedule or the thought of any goal races to come. It is always a little depressing once a big race is over and I can sort of rush to work towards something else to relive the excitement. This time I knew that I needed to give it time and really decide what I want to do. The thought of jumping back into marathon training was pretty unappealing and I didn’t need to. I don’t have any desire to try and beat my time and go for a faster spring marathon (I am quite content to sit on a 3:26) and so I am not planing on going for that any time soon. When I returned to any mileage (and I kept it super low the first few days) it was all easy miles without looking at the watch and just going my feel. Luckily the weather as been AH-MAZ-ING so running again instead of being a chore has been a blast. This is a feeling that you tend to lose after weeks and weeks of miles that have to get done.

So what now? Well now that I am back to a sort-of-running schedule I have a couple ideas on the horizon. I didn’t know if I would continue the blog now that Chicago is over, but I have found it fun and helpful to keeping track of just how my training is going. So I think I will continue to recap my weekly training as well as just spewing my random thoughts. Because lets face it: people get really sick of hearing me talk about running. For now I will enjoy my easy runs and in a couple days really decide where I am going from here!

Training log: Week 7

I will forever be the worst at recapping on any sort of schedule (you would think Sunday nights/Mondays would be the obvious time to actually write these) but this week I had an excuse besides my state of laziness. It was Finals week for my summer classes and I was spending time studying (eh mildly) and then celebrating my new found freedom that normal people have been enjoying for the past 10 or so weeks.

I also have to admit that writing this recap is about as easy as writing the Week 4 recap in that I didn’t run a single mile all week. My dodgy ankle was extremely angry after a long run the past Sunday and I knew running wasn’t a thing that was going to happen. This entire training cycle has been one issue after another and instead of fighting it, trying to push through it, etc (the typical response I have) I just decided to fuck it and take another rest week. At this point most of my goals have been thrown out the window, so why beat myself up further?

With that charming attitude I decided to focus on cross-training/ strength training, and yoga. Also just enjoying all the normal things life that can be hard to fit in when running 50 miles a week. I think that with the majority of runners (myself included) one can get so wrapped up in training and racing that when faced with downtown, you sort of lose your identity. Focusing on being hurt and if the worry of whether or not I was facing a serious issue wasn’t going to help me feel any better. Instead I like to use my downtime as an opportunity to be a normal person that doesn’t spend all her time sweating it out on the trail and pounding the pavement. It restores some mental clarity and helps eliminate the depression and worry that goes hand in hand with injury. I am a runner, but I am also a lot of other things and resting and not running doesn’t change that. So instead of focusing on what I couldn’t do, I focused on what I could.

So in a week that included zero running, I instead spent loads of time with friends that I don’t get to see a lot. This included a makeover/facial session, a night with movies and sushi, an outdoor concert, and just the ability to hang out and talk. I didn’t have to worry about staying out too late and missing my morning run, or working plans around my running schedule. It was glorious and just what I needed. I was also able to spend plenty of time focusing on my finals and school work to end the semester with A’s all around.

ALL MINE. I don’t share well…

I also decided to focus more on cleaning up some bad habits I have picked up in my diet, and clean things up a bit. This meant I had plenty of time to do some baking (of the best recipe for gluten-free muffins I have ever made) and meal prep. I have meant to write an post dealing with my health/food related issues (allergies ahoy!), mostly because I feel like it is a massive hindrance to my running and training trying to get what my body needs from the rather complicated issues I deal with. I think I am finally figuring out how to unlock this puzzle and get my body fueled correctly in order to prevent the nutritional deficiencies I have been facing lately.

All in all, although this wasn’t a week on any sort of actual “training”, I know that it is just what I needed to get my self back on track and tackle the journey back to where I want to be. My attitude towards Chicago hasn’t changed at all, I want to have fun and enjoy myself and this will happen no matter how awkwardly I get there.

Training log: Week 4

This is literally the easiest training log post to write ever. Mostly because I can count on one hand how many miles I ran this week….five. Five miles. My ankle disturbingly swelled up to the size of a decent A cup on Monday, and after taking a short jog of a couple miles in my PE class I realized that my body wanted a rest day (the falling off the bike indecent didn’t help things). Then on Tuesday I woke up to a nice B cup on the side of my left ankle and the inability to walk correctly. Whoops! There goes running anything for the week. I have managed to get the swelling down to basically a light puffiness with some good old RICE-ing, but running hasn’t happened.

So what is going on with the ankle? I have exactly zero idea. I guess I could go to my orthopedist that I see waaaaay too much to be comfortable with, but I know that he is just going to tell me to do exactly what I am doing now. Rest and take it easy. I don’t think it is a stress fracture at all. After my experience last year with one last year, and then a stress reaction earlier this year, I have determined  the evil feeling on a bone problem. Also I have found with bone issues there is less swelling. I am pretty sure I have aggravated a tendon or ligament with my funky gait I was doing while my hip was wonky (imagine that, its all better now), and maybe the fall was just the last nail in the coffin. IT only hurts when I am pushing off in my stride on that foot which to me means a ligament thing since I can bare weight totally fine.

So to sum up, instead of running I have just been doing some intense cross training. I am determined to use my rest from running to focus on getting myself evened up and aligned correctly, which means that I have been doing a lot of weight training (something I hate and neglect). I have also been using the elliptical and cycling to keep the cardio going. I know neither are exactly like running but at least I am keeping my overall fitness level up. Yes, I am being careful and not doing anything that causes pain or seems to aggravate things. I know that over the course of a week I have gone from barely being able to walk correctly, to now being able to do box jumps and one legged squats without any pain. Good progress?

So what does this mean about my training as a whole? Well I don’t really know. I know that until I am running again I wont know just how far behind this puts me. As long as I am running by the end of the week I think I will be fine. Maybe not as speedy as I wanted to be, but at least hit my current normal marathon time. Now if I need another week of rest? That’s when things get stressed and scary. I am running Chicago no matter what this year, and I am capable of running it at an easy pace just to enjoy it even with a very short training cycle.

I guess the most frustrating thing is that I don’t understand why my body seems to throw these little hiccups into my plans all the time. I wouldn’t say I am injury prone, because I do take really good care of my body. I don’t know if maybe I should lose an easy day of running and instead use it to cross train and give my legs another day to recover, or if two workouts a week is just a little too much to ask. I don’t think that is what caused it because I was sticking to the same training plan earlier in the year with no problems. Really the fall that messed up my hip was the catalyst of all of this so maybe I just need to chalk it up to bad luck that never left me? Either way I have a couple days of cross training and then I intend to have a make or break run on it and see what happens. I just know that I am sick of running in pain, and running slow because my body can’t keep up. I love running and I don’t want pushing through theses injuries to continue to ruin it for me. My body needs to cooperate so that we can do more fun things together though because the elliptical is the most demon spawn torture device I can think of…

The Race That Wasn’t

So tomorrow I am registered for a race, but I will not be partaking in it. I mentioned in my last post that I was having issues with my hip since my fall when I won the Gamelands 10 Miler like a total badass. Sadly, since then the old hip has been increasingly annoyed at being asked to run. I am pretty sure that I had a very deep tissue bruise that was covering up some sort of pulled ligament, because now that all the swelling is gone I still don’t have normal range of motion. When I do run there is pain on my take off and my range of motion is being compromised. I would rather not subject my body to 13.1 miles at a short, choppy, unnatural gait, so I am holding up my hand and taking myself out of the game.

It is slightly aggravating, because this race was the goal race of my short training cycle that I was trying out more speed work. I know that if I was healthy I would be eyeing a very sweet PR, but it is not in the cards for me. I don’t know why I have such rotten luck when it comes to half marathons (I haven’t been able to race one healthy since about two years ago). I am taking this a little better  (probably because I am used to being let down) I know that my training for Chicago starts on the 11th and I do not want to screw that up this go around. I know that by resting now my body will be prepared for it and I will be mentally prepared since I have already adapted to the training.

In the meantime, I am taking a few days to refocus and do some other non-running related fitness. I don’t have any issues when it comes to cycling, strength work, or yoga (hence the annoyance at the running), so I am going to allow my running muscles to rest and enjoy not running the same routes over and over. I am crossing my fingers this will all blow over and I will be happy that I made this decision. I have agonized over it enough already!

The post in which I semi-return.

I’ve been the worst. Truthfully, I could have spent the last month posting uber-dramatic updates on my life or how it was existing outside of running, but that would not have been enjoyable to read or cathartic for me to type out. Instead I will try and summarize how I got to this point and where I am at now.

1. My next ortho visit ended in my return to running (and life as a fully functioning person) being pushed back until October 1st. *Cue anger, frustration, and pain* I attempted to return to running earlier at what was my first return date but was met with enough pain that I realized that was stupid and decided to wait it out a further three weeks of self pity.

2. My Boston qualifying time ended up being exactly 10 seconds slower than the cut off. This resulted in a lot of anger and tears that after all the work I put into qualifying was all for nothing. I wont say that I am completely over this yet, having to qualifying with the fastest minimum time for women and then being cut off really sucks and I don’t really agree with the way the process is done but it wont change where I’m at now.

3. The realization that I now am returning from injury, slow and out of shape, without a goal race for next season, and possible wont be able to return quick enough to try and qualify again for Boston 2016. Sometimes life just really sucks.

The month was basically mentally tough as I tried to search and figure out what in fact my goals will be or should be. After having what was a giant ball of anger at everything and everyone around me I decided to suck it up and move on. Being angry wasn’t going to change my circumstances or make my Boston become a reality. It wasn’t going to return me back to my healthy and fast self. In the time since this dramatic realization I have instead focused on other key things.

1. My school work. This semester has an intense work load and I am setting my sights pretty high when it comes to my grades. With some very frustrating and challenging classes (Ewww Calculus), I have spent the time I would have running instead studying.

2. I decided to chill out and look for other ways to be active and happy. I finally went out and bought myself a nice road bike that I am in love with and have spent my Saturdays going on nice long bike rides by myself. I had already using a bike on an exerciser so although I am not in marathon running shape fitness wise I am enjoying having an outlet for my energy that gets me outside. I have also been doing a lot of yoga and hitting up every free class that I find in order to maintain my flexibility and get evened out from my right side being weakened. This has made me feel healthier and helped my mental clarity a ton.

3. I decided to just not give a damn and have some fun. This has meant plenty of concerts, nights out with friends, and day trips to random places to just enjoy relaxing and exposing myself to new things. Running was taking up so much of my time I hadn’t had this freedom in a long time and so I decided to make the most of it.

Time has now passed and this last week I have slowly started to ease myself back into running with short distances followed by plenty of stretching and ice if I feel like I need it. I have no goals set, no paces to hit, I am just getting out and taking it day by day with no pressure. I almost expect every day to wake back up in pain or suffer a set back and so I am trying to just enjoy myself while taking things in stride. I hope that my next post will see me still making progress but more importantly still in the same state of mind with all that anger and sadness in the past.

The week I attempt to not be a social recluse.

With school devouring my soul like the heartless demon monster it is, I am trying to keep afloat of assignments while maintaining some sort of social life. I apologize to all my friends who think I go into some sort of hermit-like state during the semester. I am still enjoying my classes and most of my professors are pretty cool.

I nervously await my next Ortho visit on Tuesday and hope for some good news. I get to finally start to wean myself off of the aircast starting Monday. I realize that most people get weirded out when I refer to it as “weaning” as well. I can’t believe I actually followed doctors orders this well and for so long. So far the heel seems to be in fine working order and it has handled the cycling extremely well (knock on wood). I have gone back to my usual yoga classes a little early but I take it carefully and I really needed to mental clarity it brings. Plus being able to see my usual yogi people has made life seem a little more normal. I hope I am not a basket-case my first nights back at run club.

Besides school and my broken status, I decided to actually act like a hip twenty-something, and I went downtown to enjoy the Hopscotch music festival. It was pretty much my greatest idea in a long time. Even with the old aircast still on my foot I was able to enjoy the headlining shows in their entirety in City Plaza. It probably helped that the bands we fantastic and I completely forgot about anything besides dancing and enjoying life (something that hasn’t been easy lately). St. Vincent was amazing and it is now my life goal to grow up to be half as cool as Annie Clark. Spoon closed the show in the most amazing way ever, and I am glad I met new friends in the crowd who didn’t mind my spastic dancing with them. I wish that I would have had the physical strength to walk about and catch some of the other shows but after coming out of my star-struck euphoria, I was quite sore and had to relearn how to walk back to my car. Hopefully next year I will not be injured and can make an entire night out of it.

Now my weekend is pretty much over since I spend the rest working. I do get to enjoy a nice sleep in tomorrow morning before hitting up a yoga class and then it is back to the grind stone. I am keeping my fingers crossed that by next weekend I have tempted a short run. I am actually really nervous about getting back into it, I think it is just the fear of there still being pain (which is a little silly). I hope I have some good news to report soon.

Although I am happy that Fall semester is here, because it provides a great distracting from not being able to run, it is also eating my soul and spare time alive. This is why I have not been contributing much to the interwebs when it come to my thoughts.

The injury comeback seems t be on the right track. I have increased my cycling a bit, have continued some strength training, and I officially ditched the crutches on Monday. I’m just left in the aircast for now, and I can’t wait to be able to wear proper footwear again. I ended up forgoing the crutches a little early, but I had already been getting used to bearing weight and have not felt any ill effects. The ability to walk is one that I will never talk for granted again. After six weeks on crutches I enjoy the basic freedom of being able to do my on shopping and errands without help!

In my communications class I was asked to pick three words that I would choose to describe myself and explain my choices. In the interest in filling space I will share these here so that I can come back and laugh at how bad they actually are. If I was being honest I would probably choose grumpy, antisocial, and competitive, but being an academic situation I gave it a little bit of thought and was not quite so self-appreciatory.

Independent, Driven, and Creative. These are the three words that I would best use to describe myself. I chose independent because I am a very self reliant person and like to be in charge of my own life. I don’t wait for others to choose for me, I like to set my own goals and take care of myself without relying on others. I chose driven because I am also a very motivated and committed person. I believe setting high expectations for yourself is a healthy thing. When I set my mind to achieving something I am committed 100 percent to it and do not question my intentions. I also chose creative because I enjoy being able to relax and let my brain play and create. I enjoy drawing, writing, crocheting, baking, and creating digital work on the computer. Basically just allowing a healthy outlet for me express myself outside of work or school.

Hitting the books yet again.

Today was the start of Fall Semester. This wasn’t met with the greatest of enthusiasm until I sat down in my first class and then my mood changed somewhat. I hadn’t been feeling the greatest in regard to human contact lately. In fact I was downright miserable due to personal circumstances changing that I really wasn’t happy about being surrounded by a bunch of younger students I didn’t care to know. Let’s add in the fact that I am still hobbling around on crutches and slightly embarrassed by it, and I was prepared for a tortuous start to my week.

Boy did my attitude change. I can’t say that I am entirely out of my “Ugh world just leave me alone to wallow in self despair!” faze, but I found that I was able to ignore it for a little bit and enjoy being in the classroom. My professors all seem great and enthusiastic, my classes seem like a good mix of naive freshmen and jaded sophomores, and I was able to quickly figure out how to get around the entire campus while avoiding stairs. A win-win day so far.

I am sure that after a bit my excitement for start of the semester will fade once all the work starts pouring in, but I really do better coping once I am too busy to be distracted. I wish that I was running now in order to release some steam but that will come in time. For now I have school work to provide a much welcome distraction even though with dong so many inroductions in classes I might have filled out the questionnaire of “What did you do this summer?” with: Fractured my heel training for marathon. Better to get that out of the way, after all, you can’t miss me coming.

Injury update

So this week was my follow up with my Orthopedist to see how my heel fracture was healing (yes there is a pun in there, and yes, I have had to listen to it several times a day). After taking new x-rays the news was very positive. My fracture did not completely follow through and my bone has not been displaced any. In fact it is healing extremely well and has begun to lay down new bone and stabilize itself better. I was pretty much floored to hear this since I knew that with work, I had not been able to take it as easy I as would have liked. I was pretty much prepared for the worst news ever. It is good to know that my body is not quite as cynical as I am!

However, I still have my crutches for about another week. After that I get to start adding weight and then walking in just my air cast (that will be fun). As long as there is no pain I will be able to wean off of the boot gradually while adding in plenty of walks for exercise and at least one run before I see the doctor again. If all goes well September 20th will be my “clear for all activities” day. It seems very close and also very far away. I am at least handling the injury better now that I see an end date.

I have no idea what this means for my fall races. I have been cleared to do some cycling on an exerciser as long as I wear my boot to keep my achilles stable. That is about as comfortable as it sounds but hell, it is something and I will take it. So far I haven’t had any pain but I have only been cycling for about 15 minutes at a time. I don’t want to push it too much right off the start just because I am excited. It is pretty pathetic the difference in my muscle strength from my right and left side, and also just my stamina in general. Before I would cycle for a good hour like nobodies business. These 15 minute periods are a big effort right now.

I am excited to finally see an end to this very depressing and disappointing time. Luckily my fall semester starts on Monday which means that I will have another form of distraction to keep me busy. I try not to think about what I am missing but staying positive on being healthy and coming back strong without rushing things. It can be difficult but with my course work I will have plenty to keep my mind busy. September 20th will be here before I know it and I just need to learn to be patient until then.