Alive and sort of well.

Artsy “I am ~le tired~” post bike ride photo

It’s been literally ages since I last wrote anything meaningful here (wait did I ever write anything meaningful here…?). That is not to say that nothing has been going on, more that way too much has been going on and I haven’t felt much like writing nor had time too.

I am the kind of person that I never make small changes over time. Instead I make one massive change at all once and then force myself to adapt to it. I did this in a big way recently when I moved out, changed jobs, transferred schools, joined the injury list, and started another sport. It took me a few weeks to adjust and it definitely wasn’t easy. There may have been a couple breakdowns where I thought I was putting too much on my plate, but I have come out on the other side a stronger and happier person. I really feel like in the last three months I am really started to grow into who I really am as lame and corny as that sounds.

Part of this coincided with my birthday in which I joined a new decade and a new age bracket (I am saddest about the age bracket). It was a little bittersweet since I was planning on a big race for my birthday to celebrate, but after being injured and only just hitting 20 mile weeks of running, that was not a possibility anymore. In fact I ended up working all day on my birthday but I made up for the crummy day by sandwiching it between two days of fun bike riding. So although I still wince a little when people ask for my age, there was no catastrophe and I can still lie and tell people I am only 24.

Since this is mainly to record my running adventures I guess I can update on that as well. Being injured sucks. Being injured for months really sucks. The amount of time that I missed out on can never be recouped, and neither can all the money I spent on race entries I didn’t get to use. What I did do, was to put all that anger and frustration and channel it into getting better. It is no lie that I have been covering up and getting by with lingering issues for awhile. This injury is almost certain to have been cause by overcompensation of major weaknesses in my entire right side. After doing some strength testing and power ratings, this was confirmed and I was completely sobered up to just how much work it was going to take to come back. This meant a lot of careful, easy running and work outs, and some physical therapy and strength work to even myself out. It has felt like a long and lonesome road, but if my last couple of work outs are anything to go by, the hard work is paying off.

Now you would think with my fitness returning I would be chomping at the bit to start racing again and I am, but I also want to be patient and come back as strong as possible. Short distance is in the cards for awhile and I am enjoying challenging myself in a completely new way. Also besides running, my biking skills are improving and every time I did I want to ride more and more. I am balancing both and I feel like so far they are complimenting each other well. It is strange to go for a 2+ hour ride instead of a 13+ mile run, but it is also much more enjoyable to be cycling in a group having a laugh than freezing on a long run in February. I never thought I would choose a bike ride over running, but it has happened several times.

So I really find myself at an odds with what to do with this blog. I used it to track my Chicago progress, and then was planning on using it for tracking my first ultra distance. I now find myself with a schedule of track meets and bike rides and I don’t know if that is interesting enough to even bother writing about. Track meets will be starting soon but my fitness will not peak until the season is almost over. Do I just keep a running training log with my usual bitching and complaining? My not-funny quips on my running life? Does anyone really care? I don’t know but for now I will think of updating it every once in a while as I get stronger running, and continue to be an idiot biking.

The Girl Who Was a Runner

I have to admit that I have purposely neglected this thing. I think in part I was trying to avoid facing my thoughts and trying to make sense of where I am at right now. How about I do this in bullet point style to try and have some sort of organization..

• I made it successfully through Finals week and graduated with my Associates in Arts. A huge portion of my stress was coming not only from this but also getting my transfer finalized to start at my new University in the spring. I managed to survive with my sanity mostly in tact.
• Thanksgiving flew by and Christmas is right around the corner. I’ve been a bit of a scrooge because of the stress of school and personal stuff, but I have finally started to come around to enjoying more of a break than the holiday itself. This is my first holiday season living completely on my own and it is a little strange and lonely.
• I am enjoying using my free time to explore other avenues to relieve stress and enjoy myself. My bike is getting quite the workout lately and I am enjoying taking it on long group rides on the greenways every weekend. I went from having never ridden with a group, or on the roads, to having done both in the space of a week. My ability to clip in and out is improving as well as my shifting and handling abilities. I wont say the same for my balance and turning… I will openly admit that I ride fast but like an idiot.

Photographic evidence of idiot on bicycle shenanigans…

• But wait! Where is all the running?? How many miles am I doing?? What about the races I am running?? Well I haven’t been doing a lot of it. My hamstring and I decided that we would be better off going separate ways and taking a break for a while. I knew something was off after the trail race I DQ’d back in November and my hammie got more and more angry. What started as an annoying knot, grew into a massive spasm, grew into a severe strain. It has taken weeks and weeks of zero running to be able to walk around comfortably and I am in no rush to run with pain any longer. I miss running and it is a huge part of my identity and so not having it for the past month has been a little traumatizing. With all the other stress in my life the past month, and then an injury on top of that, it has been a challenging time emotionally. I really don’t know how I have any friends willing to put up with my cranky ass anymore, but somehow I do. Thanks guys! I really don’t hate you!

So moving forward into the New Year I will once again be starting from scratch and looking for new goals to accomplish. My skills on the bike are improving and I have been toying with the idea of something in that area. I have also been playing with the idea of slowly coming back to some shorter distance running for a bit. At this point everything is up in the air and I plan to keep it that way.

Training log: Week 7

I will forever be the worst at recapping on any sort of schedule (you would think Sunday nights/Mondays would be the obvious time to actually write these) but this week I had an excuse besides my state of laziness. It was Finals week for my summer classes and I was spending time studying (eh mildly) and then celebrating my new found freedom that normal people have been enjoying for the past 10 or so weeks.

I also have to admit that writing this recap is about as easy as writing the Week 4 recap in that I didn’t run a single mile all week. My dodgy ankle was extremely angry after a long run the past Sunday and I knew running wasn’t a thing that was going to happen. This entire training cycle has been one issue after another and instead of fighting it, trying to push through it, etc (the typical response I have) I just decided to fuck it and take another rest week. At this point most of my goals have been thrown out the window, so why beat myself up further?

With that charming attitude I decided to focus on cross-training/ strength training, and yoga. Also just enjoying all the normal things life that can be hard to fit in when running 50 miles a week. I think that with the majority of runners (myself included) one can get so wrapped up in training and racing that when faced with downtown, you sort of lose your identity. Focusing on being hurt and if the worry of whether or not I was facing a serious issue wasn’t going to help me feel any better. Instead I like to use my downtime as an opportunity to be a normal person that doesn’t spend all her time sweating it out on the trail and pounding the pavement. It restores some mental clarity and helps eliminate the depression and worry that goes hand in hand with injury. I am a runner, but I am also a lot of other things and resting and not running doesn’t change that. So instead of focusing on what I couldn’t do, I focused on what I could.

So in a week that included zero running, I instead spent loads of time with friends that I don’t get to see a lot. This included a makeover/facial session, a night with movies and sushi, an outdoor concert, and just the ability to hang out and talk. I didn’t have to worry about staying out too late and missing my morning run, or working plans around my running schedule. It was glorious and just what I needed. I was also able to spend plenty of time focusing on my finals and school work to end the semester with A’s all around.

ALL MINE. I don’t share well…

I also decided to focus more on cleaning up some bad habits I have picked up in my diet, and clean things up a bit. This meant I had plenty of time to do some baking (of the best recipe for gluten-free muffins I have ever made) and meal prep. I have meant to write an post dealing with my health/food related issues (allergies ahoy!), mostly because I feel like it is a massive hindrance to my running and training trying to get what my body needs from the rather complicated issues I deal with. I think I am finally figuring out how to unlock this puzzle and get my body fueled correctly in order to prevent the nutritional deficiencies I have been facing lately.

All in all, although this wasn’t a week on any sort of actual “training”, I know that it is just what I needed to get my self back on track and tackle the journey back to where I want to be. My attitude towards Chicago hasn’t changed at all, I want to have fun and enjoy myself and this will happen no matter how awkwardly I get there.

Training log: Week 5

I have to admit, after last weeks recap post I was really afraid of my next post being a continuation on rest an injury woes. I am relieved to report that I actually did get some mileage in this week and things are starting to improve. Shocker! Taking 10 days off did not in fact kill me or throw my plans out the window! Yes, having to elliptical and hit the gym was not my ideal form of cardio but at least I feel like my body has recovered significantly and I am headed in the right direction.

After the break from running my hip is back at 100%. There is no pain or tightness anymore and I feel like once my body is back to realizing that running isn’t terrible I will be back to my usual paces. The only issue I have on returning is that the ankle is still a little wonky. I seem to have a flair up on tendinitis (in a different place than before ugh) probably from the break and my body adjusting back to running normally again. There is a nag and an ache after I run with some swelling, but this always subsides after I ice and compress it. For now I am just allowing it to be a delicate flower and focusing on slowly building my mileage back to where it should be. I will probably not be doing any speed work just to make sure that I do not aggravate it further.

My first run back (besides a lame test mile) was on Thursday where I did a nice easy 3 miles. By the end of the week I managed 17 miles total with a 7 mile hike in there as well to keep the legs moving. Adding in a few hours of cycling and work on the elliptical plus the gym, and it was an extremely productive week of easy work.

Scenic views from my hike where we might have been a bit lost

Next week I want slowly build back up my mileage while taking care of my body. I am trying to not focus at all on pace right now, and just keep things at an easy, natural pace. I am hoping to be able to get my long run in and then see myself back on track with the training program the week after that.

All in all, I am quite proud of the fact that although I was super stressed out and obsessing over how damaged I was, I took care of myself and allowed my body to recover for once. The difference in how I feel this Sunday versus last Sunday is night and day. I was considering throwing in the towel and abandoning Chicago once again last week, and this week I am cautiously optimistic about making it there in some shape or form. Time will tell whether I need to adjust my finishing time goal, but the main aim is just to get to Chicago healthy and happy. I won’t complain if I get back to sub 8 minute miles though……

Training log: Week 4

This is literally the easiest training log post to write ever. Mostly because I can count on one hand how many miles I ran this week….five. Five miles. My ankle disturbingly swelled up to the size of a decent A cup on Monday, and after taking a short jog of a couple miles in my PE class I realized that my body wanted a rest day (the falling off the bike indecent didn’t help things). Then on Tuesday I woke up to a nice B cup on the side of my left ankle and the inability to walk correctly. Whoops! There goes running anything for the week. I have managed to get the swelling down to basically a light puffiness with some good old RICE-ing, but running hasn’t happened.

So what is going on with the ankle? I have exactly zero idea. I guess I could go to my orthopedist that I see waaaaay too much to be comfortable with, but I know that he is just going to tell me to do exactly what I am doing now. Rest and take it easy. I don’t think it is a stress fracture at all. After my experience last year with one last year, and then a stress reaction earlier this year, I have determined  the evil feeling on a bone problem. Also I have found with bone issues there is less swelling. I am pretty sure I have aggravated a tendon or ligament with my funky gait I was doing while my hip was wonky (imagine that, its all better now), and maybe the fall was just the last nail in the coffin. IT only hurts when I am pushing off in my stride on that foot which to me means a ligament thing since I can bare weight totally fine.

So to sum up, instead of running I have just been doing some intense cross training. I am determined to use my rest from running to focus on getting myself evened up and aligned correctly, which means that I have been doing a lot of weight training (something I hate and neglect). I have also been using the elliptical and cycling to keep the cardio going. I know neither are exactly like running but at least I am keeping my overall fitness level up. Yes, I am being careful and not doing anything that causes pain or seems to aggravate things. I know that over the course of a week I have gone from barely being able to walk correctly, to now being able to do box jumps and one legged squats without any pain. Good progress?

So what does this mean about my training as a whole? Well I don’t really know. I know that until I am running again I wont know just how far behind this puts me. As long as I am running by the end of the week I think I will be fine. Maybe not as speedy as I wanted to be, but at least hit my current normal marathon time. Now if I need another week of rest? That’s when things get stressed and scary. I am running Chicago no matter what this year, and I am capable of running it at an easy pace just to enjoy it even with a very short training cycle.

I guess the most frustrating thing is that I don’t understand why my body seems to throw these little hiccups into my plans all the time. I wouldn’t say I am injury prone, because I do take really good care of my body. I don’t know if maybe I should lose an easy day of running and instead use it to cross train and give my legs another day to recover, or if two workouts a week is just a little too much to ask. I don’t think that is what caused it because I was sticking to the same training plan earlier in the year with no problems. Really the fall that messed up my hip was the catalyst of all of this so maybe I just need to chalk it up to bad luck that never left me? Either way I have a couple days of cross training and then I intend to have a make or break run on it and see what happens. I just know that I am sick of running in pain, and running slow because my body can’t keep up. I love running and I don’t want pushing through theses injuries to continue to ruin it for me. My body needs to cooperate so that we can do more fun things together though because the elliptical is the most demon spawn torture device I can think of…

The Race That Wasn’t

So tomorrow I am registered for a race, but I will not be partaking in it. I mentioned in my last post that I was having issues with my hip since my fall when I won the Gamelands 10 Miler like a total badass. Sadly, since then the old hip has been increasingly annoyed at being asked to run. I am pretty sure that I had a very deep tissue bruise that was covering up some sort of pulled ligament, because now that all the swelling is gone I still don’t have normal range of motion. When I do run there is pain on my take off and my range of motion is being compromised. I would rather not subject my body to 13.1 miles at a short, choppy, unnatural gait, so I am holding up my hand and taking myself out of the game.

It is slightly aggravating, because this race was the goal race of my short training cycle that I was trying out more speed work. I know that if I was healthy I would be eyeing a very sweet PR, but it is not in the cards for me. I don’t know why I have such rotten luck when it comes to half marathons (I haven’t been able to race one healthy since about two years ago). I am taking this a little better  (probably because I am used to being let down) I know that my training for Chicago starts on the 11th and I do not want to screw that up this go around. I know that by resting now my body will be prepared for it and I will be mentally prepared since I have already adapted to the training.

In the meantime, I am taking a few days to refocus and do some other non-running related fitness. I don’t have any issues when it comes to cycling, strength work, or yoga (hence the annoyance at the running), so I am going to allow my running muscles to rest and enjoy not running the same routes over and over. I am crossing my fingers this will all blow over and I will be happy that I made this decision. I have agonized over it enough already!

The Comeback Kid Returns

I have found that with I guess you could consider my “running career”, I have had to let go of always having a concrete plan of training. Yet again, I was deep in training for my goal race, my BQ qualifying goal race, only to have my training get derailed right when it seemed to be going perfectly. It wasn’t a stress fracture this time, and the time I had to take off was only about a month, but it through my training off so much that I wouldn’t have been able to get any 20+ mile runs before my marathon/ So I did the only logical thing. I gave up and accepted it. I think that missing my goal race last fall sort of helped me handle this a little better, because although it was a bitter pill to swallow I knew that it was the correct decision and life would go on.

In the time since, I decided to focus on reworking my training plans and the whole idea I have had this far of what goes into distance running. I know that I have been extremely lucky because I am mostly going by trial and lots and lots of errors. In a perfect world I would hire a coach and be told exactly what to do x,y, and z ways so that I could improve and remain healthy. The world is faaar from fucking perfect and so I have myself and whatever information I glean from the internets, friends, an various eves-dropping opportunities I find.

So where am I now? I am returning back to form slowly but surely. I am trying to focus on speed work while taking proper easy days and keeping my paces safe. Running slow and easy is something I never bothered with before and the opportunity to slow the pace and recover while getting back to just enjoying running is a very healing thing for me. I am also making sure to do those things that one should always be doing but I didn’t bother because I am too lazy stupid busy tired OKAY THE WORST.

I don’t know where this has me at now training wise. I feel strong in my speed work and strong on my long runs. I don’t know what my race pace will be like but I have a half that I am aiming a PR at in the beginning of June. If things seem promising after that, I plan to continue to use this new training strategy into my fall marathon training. I don’t know what is going to happen but I am finally starting to feel like maybe I am figuring out how to finally unlock my actual potential and learn how to really become a proper runner.

The come-back kid

I realize that it has been over a month without any information from moi. This is both a good and bad sign! I guess I need to do some explaining and catching up.. I will try and hit the worthy bullet points.

1. On October 1st I was cleared to start running again. This is probably the biggest reason that I have let this poor space die. All my time I was spending online was thrown out the window when I could (slowly and gradually) start running again. I have been taking every day at a time and seeing how this stress fracture would hold up. I have had to let go of any thoughts of being speedy and just take every run as a treat and learn to enjoy just being able to run. My distance has increased little by little and I have run a few races but not raced them. (more on this in another post)

2. School is starting to get really serious. I am talking major crunch time here. I am working hard to keep A’s in most of my classes and survived midterms and all sorts of fun academic life problems. With final exams approaching in December and plenty of term papers due before then, I am hitting the books hard (being accidentally falling asleep from all the physical torment I am suffering).

3. Work is a means to an end right now and getting in the way of numbers 1 & 2 most of the time. It is hard having to work full time with school but the running actually makes me more productive and focused. Work is the one place that gets thrown out of balance but at least I have an outlet for the stress now. Plus I  remind myself that work equals money, which equals races, which equals a very happy sarcastic runner.

4. Some quick vacation time to recharge the batteries. I spent the last weekend out of time to just get away. Running off to the beach (and hitting up a race while there) is the perfect way for me to detox. I like just jumping in the car and heading somewhere fun and have taken the opportunity to do that this month (and hopefully next month as well).

With all this going on, I will try and find the time to be a little more consistent. I need to sit down and really think of my running goals I want to accomplish for the rest of fall and the spring season, and just how ambitious I can be. Right now I am enjoying taking things day by day. Every run hasn’t been the best (building your base back sucks) but it is one small step closer to where I was. Hopefully soon I can put this injury behind me and take what I have learned and move on.

The post in which I semi-return.

I’ve been the worst. Truthfully, I could have spent the last month posting uber-dramatic updates on my life or how it was existing outside of running, but that would not have been enjoyable to read or cathartic for me to type out. Instead I will try and summarize how I got to this point and where I am at now.

1. My next ortho visit ended in my return to running (and life as a fully functioning person) being pushed back until October 1st. *Cue anger, frustration, and pain* I attempted to return to running earlier at what was my first return date but was met with enough pain that I realized that was stupid and decided to wait it out a further three weeks of self pity.

2. My Boston qualifying time ended up being exactly 10 seconds slower than the cut off. This resulted in a lot of anger and tears that after all the work I put into qualifying was all for nothing. I wont say that I am completely over this yet, having to qualifying with the fastest minimum time for women and then being cut off really sucks and I don’t really agree with the way the process is done but it wont change where I’m at now.

3. The realization that I now am returning from injury, slow and out of shape, without a goal race for next season, and possible wont be able to return quick enough to try and qualify again for Boston 2016. Sometimes life just really sucks.

The month was basically mentally tough as I tried to search and figure out what in fact my goals will be or should be. After having what was a giant ball of anger at everything and everyone around me I decided to suck it up and move on. Being angry wasn’t going to change my circumstances or make my Boston become a reality. It wasn’t going to return me back to my healthy and fast self. In the time since this dramatic realization I have instead focused on other key things.

1. My school work. This semester has an intense work load and I am setting my sights pretty high when it comes to my grades. With some very frustrating and challenging classes (Ewww Calculus), I have spent the time I would have running instead studying.

2. I decided to chill out and look for other ways to be active and happy. I finally went out and bought myself a nice road bike that I am in love with and have spent my Saturdays going on nice long bike rides by myself. I had already using a bike on an exerciser so although I am not in marathon running shape fitness wise I am enjoying having an outlet for my energy that gets me outside. I have also been doing a lot of yoga and hitting up every free class that I find in order to maintain my flexibility and get evened out from my right side being weakened. This has made me feel healthier and helped my mental clarity a ton.

3. I decided to just not give a damn and have some fun. This has meant plenty of concerts, nights out with friends, and day trips to random places to just enjoy relaxing and exposing myself to new things. Running was taking up so much of my time I hadn’t had this freedom in a long time and so I decided to make the most of it.

Time has now passed and this last week I have slowly started to ease myself back into running with short distances followed by plenty of stretching and ice if I feel like I need it. I have no goals set, no paces to hit, I am just getting out and taking it day by day with no pressure. I almost expect every day to wake back up in pain or suffer a set back and so I am trying to just enjoy myself while taking things in stride. I hope that my next post will see me still making progress but more importantly still in the same state of mind with all that anger and sadness in the past.

The week I attempt to not be a social recluse.

With school devouring my soul like the heartless demon monster it is, I am trying to keep afloat of assignments while maintaining some sort of social life. I apologize to all my friends who think I go into some sort of hermit-like state during the semester. I am still enjoying my classes and most of my professors are pretty cool.

I nervously await my next Ortho visit on Tuesday and hope for some good news. I get to finally start to wean myself off of the aircast starting Monday. I realize that most people get weirded out when I refer to it as “weaning” as well. I can’t believe I actually followed doctors orders this well and for so long. So far the heel seems to be in fine working order and it has handled the cycling extremely well (knock on wood). I have gone back to my usual yoga classes a little early but I take it carefully and I really needed to mental clarity it brings. Plus being able to see my usual yogi people has made life seem a little more normal. I hope I am not a basket-case my first nights back at run club.

Besides school and my broken status, I decided to actually act like a hip twenty-something, and I went downtown to enjoy the Hopscotch music festival. It was pretty much my greatest idea in a long time. Even with the old aircast still on my foot I was able to enjoy the headlining shows in their entirety in City Plaza. It probably helped that the bands we fantastic and I completely forgot about anything besides dancing and enjoying life (something that hasn’t been easy lately). St. Vincent was amazing and it is now my life goal to grow up to be half as cool as Annie Clark. Spoon closed the show in the most amazing way ever, and I am glad I met new friends in the crowd who didn’t mind my spastic dancing with them. I wish that I would have had the physical strength to walk about and catch some of the other shows but after coming out of my star-struck euphoria, I was quite sore and had to relearn how to walk back to my car. Hopefully next year I will not be injured and can make an entire night out of it.

Now my weekend is pretty much over since I spend the rest working. I do get to enjoy a nice sleep in tomorrow morning before hitting up a yoga class and then it is back to the grind stone. I am keeping my fingers crossed that by next weekend I have tempted a short run. I am actually really nervous about getting back into it, I think it is just the fear of there still being pain (which is a little silly). I hope I have some good news to report soon.